Life of M

One thing about me, I've been so good at convincing myself I am perfect for something, just to turn around and talk myself out of it based on how others may disqualify me. I have got to stop counting myself out. Deep down, there are so many things in this life I want to explore and conquer, and I've been told in more ways than one that is is impossible to do/have everything. My question to the people who say such things is why? Why can't I be successful at one thing and then move on to the next? Why can't I have divided interests? But most importantly, I must reflect with myself and ask why have I allowed such a definitive belief of someone else's cloud my own? Am I not the co-creator of my destiny? Isn't the purpose of real prayer and manifestation to do the impossible? Why would I let someone else's limits become my own? Truth be told, I don't have a real answer, but I think I have a solution. It's called doing things afraid. I've learned that ...

I write these words with a desire to be heard I've been filled with a heavy heart and a lot of nerve My mind refuses to rest, and yet my soul is restless I search the scorned earth for something that seems so rare a fairytale at best I'm a glimmer of light, one that will keep more than just myself going A gentle flame, or a catastrophic fire Yearning for a love that I have to fill myself with Just to pour it into the soul of the next person another sacrifice... I still write with the desire to be heard But I'm afraid of how what I will say may effect the next person if I'm honest, will you listen? Or will you sew your ears shut as soon as I stop making jokes? I've been spoon feeding folks for a while now. I am a storm that can lead to devastation But the end of something is only the beginning of something else. I am also a calm breeze, one that feels rewarding after a chaotic day. Pick your poison, and nurture it well. Still I have that desire to be heard, But a fea...

I have been introducing myself a lot lately. I've been new in so many rooms where I feel destined to become familiar. When people meet me, I give them a list of options for names to address me by. After I say it, I get various responses lol. Let me tell you about each one. I always start with my actual name -- Mahiri. It is pronounced Mah High Ree, and this is how I am addressed by those closest to me. My old friend Nkenna (rest in peace, king) once told me to always be proud of my name and to stand strong when teaching the correct pronunciation. I've always had a complicated relationship with my first name as it isn't "conventional" since it isn't American, and it doesn't sound like everybody else's. My name derives from the Swahili language and it means "wise, skillful, and clever". I have to give my parents some credit here because I literally wouldn't be having this conversation if they had given me literally any other name. Following...

I’ve finally reached the point in my life where I’m truly gonna do whatever I want. I don’t mean in a selfish way or a harmful one. I simply mean I know what I wanna do, and I refuse to allow myself to be afraid of a voice that isn’t my own telling me a million reasons why they could never. I no longer fall “victim” to projection. I put “victim” in quotation marks because I don’t think that being projected onto is the fault of anyone experiencing it. Once you choose to let those projections lead your life, though, you are choosing victimhood. I am not a victim. Never have been, never will be. I have curated this version of who I am becoming since adolescence. I’ve always wanted to experience what it feels to live freely. No rules but my own. My strict parents put a good head on my shoulders, and my experiences in adulthood have armored me enough to teach me trust in myself. I’ve officially blossomed and my petals are vibrant and beautiful. To me, that is freedom. That is peace.

I'm a sucker for love, man. I am one of those people who walks around saying, "to be known is to be loved," and I hold that truth real close to my heart. The intimacy in loving relationships literally improves my brain chemistry. I try my best to lead my life with love, as it is one of the fruits of the spirit, and in that I try to view the world through a lens of love. Friendship is one of those things.  When we talk about love, often we skip over friendship. We talk about falling in love with a situationship we shouldn't have, our first toxic love, learning to heal in romantic relationships, but never the mutual love felt between a genuine friendship. How do you define friendship? And I don't mean in a Mariam Webster Dictionary kinda way, I mean in your day to day life. To me, a friendship is your first teacher of what love is outside of familial relationships. Your family members don't choose you, you're just born as a result of two people coming togeth...

I want y'all to know, immediately after publishing my first post I became nervous. I began to realize that I am giving other people permission to perceive me, and that I have no control over the perception... yea, terrifying. I am in a period in my life where I experience this often. I have no choice but to go for it anyways because this is my life, and I gotta just exist. Living in fear is true bondage. How do I get over this you may ask? I am literally just choosing to do the scary thing anyway. I don't like doing things afraid, but I don't like being in fear more. I mean it's serious, I refuse to even watch scary movies. So my logic is, if I choose not to watch things that would make me shit myself, why choose to be afraid of the things I really wanna do? And I think we all have to ask ourselves this more. I have a piece written on my Substack account about what it means to be in "flow" (another shameless plug lol). When moving through life in flow, you don...