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The Awakening: What Does It Mean to Live A Romantic Life

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I've recently realized that I do in fact live my life in a romantic manner. I fall in love with everything that I do, learn the compatibilities between the loved things and myself, and may very well experience the grief in heartbreak letting those things go. Then, I do it all over again. It is such an interesting pattern of mine, especially since even as time passes, the love I feel for the things I do refuse to fade. I love just as easily as I did when I was five. So if I can do that with life, why is it much harder to do with people? Platonically, I love hard, and will easily admit to myself that love is the feeling. When it comes to actual romance with people, I am so afraid to put my heart on the line. It has nothing to do with how I view myself. I am so lovable and adored by the people around me, so, with full pride in my tone, it can't be me right? I am afraid of the vulnerability that comes with it. The last man I loved, I know loved me immensely, and yet we still left t...
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The Life of a Twenty Something

Man, being in your twenties is so weird. I'm at the half way point, and where everything is starting to make sense a bit, everything also makes me ask "why" at all times. Life is a whirlwind, and it feels like my head is on a swivel from the time I wake until I am in deep slumber. So many life changing events happen, I am always overwhelmed. My nervous system is asking for a moment to pause, so here I am writing this. A few months ago, I ended things with the my first love. Then my life did a drastic 180. I used to spend all my time going to work, coming home, and being on my phone watching everybody else live while my own life past me by. I would get spurts of inspiration to be who I am meant to be, and sometimes I would even act on it. But ultimately, I remained comfortable. Today, that word feels like a curse. Being "comfortable" in a sense of settling, doesn't sit right in my spirit. I literally cannot do it anymore. I left that man, and started to explo...
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The Magic of a Cycle

  I get so frustrated at myself for lack of progress. I forget that I am human and so is my experience. Being told from so young that I’m supposed to be somebody and proving them wrong consistently, I thought I was saving myself from having to be successful. But overtime, I’ve learned I have a crippling fear of succeeding, while entertaining a stifling fear of failure.  What an odd place to sit on a spectrum. A friend of mine mentioned that we are all currently sitting in the center of an infinity sign. Cycles will repeat. The goal is to understand, and move accordingly.  And yet, I am afraid of repeating cycles. But what is life without a cycle? A woman menses every 28 days with the moon. A man’s system resets every 24 hours with the sun. The seasons change four times a year, every year without fail. And as our planets orbit the sun, the solar systems coexist in lightyears creating revolving galaxies. There are billions of timelines, and all of them are filled with cycle...
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To Be or Not To Be

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One thing about me, I've been so good at convincing myself I am perfect for something, just to turn around and talk myself out of it based on how others may disqualify me. I have got to stop counting myself out. Deep down, there are so many things in this life I want to explore and conquer, and I've been told in more ways than one that is is impossible to do/have everything. My question to the people who say such things is why? Why can't I be successful at one thing and then move on to the next? Why can't I have divided interests? But most importantly, I must reflect with myself and ask why have I allowed such a definitive belief of someone else's cloud my own? Am I not the co-creator of my destiny? Isn't the purpose of real prayer and manifestation to do the impossible? Why would I let someone else's limits become my own? Truth be told, I don't have a real answer, but I think I have a solution. It's called doing things afraid. I've learned that ...
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a poem i guess...

I write these words with a desire to be heard I've been filled with a heavy heart and a lot of nerve My mind refuses to rest, and yet my soul is restless I search the scorned earth for something that seems so rare a fairytale at best I'm a glimmer of light, one that will keep more than just myself going A gentle flame, or a catastrophic fire Yearning for a love that I have to fill myself with Just to pour it into the soul of the next person another sacrifice... I still write with the desire to be heard But I'm afraid of how what I will say may effect the next person if I'm honest, will you listen? Or will you sew your ears shut as soon as I stop making jokes? I've been spoon feeding folks for a while now. I am a storm that can lead to devastation But the end of something is only the beginning of something else. I am also a calm breeze, one that feels rewarding after a chaotic day. Pick your poison, and nurture it well. Still I have that desire to be heard, But a fea...
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Let Me Tell You About All My Names

I have been introducing myself a lot lately. I've been new in so many rooms where I feel destined to become familiar. When people meet me, I give them a list of options for names to address me by. After I say it, I get various responses lol. Let me tell you about each one. I always start with my actual name -- Mahiri. It is pronounced Mah High Ree, and this is how I am addressed by those closest to me. My old friend Nkenna (rest in peace, king) once told me to always be proud of my name and to stand strong when teaching the correct pronunciation. I've always had a complicated relationship with my first name as it isn't "conventional" since it isn't American, and it doesn't sound like everybody else's. My name derives from the Swahili language and it means "wise, skillful, and clever". I have to give my parents some credit here because I literally wouldn't be having this conversation if they had given me literally any other name. Following...
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Let’s Get Into the Nitty Gritty

I’ve finally reached the point in my life where I’m truly gonna do whatever I want. I don’t mean in a selfish way or a harmful one. I simply mean I know what I wanna do, and I refuse to allow myself to be afraid of a voice that isn’t my own telling me a million reasons why they could never. I no longer fall “victim” to projection. I put “victim” in quotation marks because I don’t think that being projected onto is the fault of anyone experiencing it. Once you choose to let those projections lead your life, though, you are choosing victimhood. I am not a victim. Never have been, never will be. I have curated this version of who I am becoming since adolescence. I’ve always wanted to experience what it feels to live freely. No rules but my own. My strict parents put a good head on my shoulders, and my experiences in adulthood have armored me enough to teach me trust in myself. I’ve officially blossomed and my petals are vibrant and beautiful. To me, that is freedom. That is peace.
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