The Life of a Twenty Something

Man, being in your twenties is so weird. I'm at the half way point, and where everything is starting to make sense a bit, everything also makes me ask "why" at all times. Life is a whirlwind, and it feels like my head is on a swivel from the time I wake until I am in deep slumber. So many life changing events happen, I am always overwhelmed. My nervous system is asking for a moment to pause, so here I am writing this.

A few months ago, I ended things with the my first love. Then my life did a drastic 180. I used to spend all my time going to work, coming home, and being on my phone watching everybody else live while my own life past me by. I would get spurts of inspiration to be who I am meant to be, and sometimes I would even act on it. But ultimately, I remained comfortable. Today, that word feels like a curse. Being "comfortable" in a sense of settling, doesn't sit right in my spirit. I literally cannot do it anymore. I left that man, and started to explore the depths of my mind, I felt curiosity fill my womb, and I birthed many creations. I am now a poetess, I socialize and meet new people regularly, I am finally doing all the things I dreamed of. All these windows of opportunity are open for me, and I have jumped through multiple.

Through all that, though, I did choose to stop having access to the one person I wanted to share all of that with. I've learned so many lessons from this one ending in my life. Number one, I am fully capable of holding multiple truths. That man was a wonderful man, with a pure heart and truly wanted nothing but the best for me. That doesn't mean I wasn't disappointed in certain aspects of our dealings. I also know that no matter how much hurt I've felt about letting go of him, I am filled with so much love for who that man is, and that will never change. I've also learned that you cannot take everyone with you. It is unfortunate, because deep down I hope that he can come back and fall into place with me. But I have no control of the outcome. I can only wish he is doing okay for the time being and also put my energy in making sure I am indulging in all these new opportunities.

Sometimes, I feel like my new life cost my old one. I mean, this time last year I was suffering from extreme suicidal ideations. Now, just texting my homegirls makes me feel so alive. When my emotions are strong, I write poetry to release. I am an architect who is currently working on my own contribution to my community. My mind has expanded. And yet, I am still the same girl who believes she can have it all while being the woman trying to give it to herself.

I hope those reading enjoyed this major word vomit. Maybe my thoughts resonate with you, maybe you just showed up to be nosey. Whatever the reason is that you're here, I appreciate your presence. Have a good one :)


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