The Awakening: What Does It Mean to Live A Romantic Life


I've recently realized that I do in fact live my life in a romantic manner. I fall in love with everything that I do, learn the compatibilities between the loved things and myself, and may very well experience the grief in heartbreak letting those things go. Then, I do it all over again. It is such an interesting pattern of mine, especially since even as time passes, the love I feel for the things I do refuse to fade. I love just as easily as I did when I was five.

So if I can do that with life, why is it much harder to do with people? Platonically, I love hard, and will easily admit to myself that love is the feeling. When it comes to actual romance with people, I am so afraid to put my heart on the line. It has nothing to do with how I view myself. I am so lovable and adored by the people around me, so, with full pride in my tone, it can't be me right? I am afraid of the vulnerability that comes with it. The last man I loved, I know loved me immensely, and yet we still left the situation hurting. I've known people who have been married for decades and they have loved and simultaneously experienced pain in it. I am not afraid of love, I am afraid of pain.

So how is it that I can convince myself that I can be in love with life, while struggling to come to terms that I may fall in love with another person? Simple, I have fallen on my ass and gotten back up from life beatings over and over again. I have also fallen on my ass in the name of love for another being, and gotten back up. And I have done it rather quickly, you can't hold me down for long. But the recovery time feels much longer. And if I remove ego from my earlier statement, while I do believe that I am easy to love and be fawned over, I am afraid of the perception of those who may pray on that. I am fiercely protective of myself, and yet I fear sometimes my own protection isn't enough to protect me from the power of falling in love. 

Maybe that's just it though. One is not meant to fight love. Love is meant to exist in all forms. Maybe it's as simple as not letting love consume me while I am in it. Maybe I just have to enjoy the feeling of love in whatever form it shows up in. Maybe I am just meant to coexist with it rather than await it and only be accepting of the parts of it that feel good. And because I love myself, I have a great template to follow so that I may love the other things and other people in my life with the same ease.

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